How Our Parents Failed Us And Blamed It On Us.

 By Kolawole Judah Oluwatobi 

To begin a conversation in a boring bus in my country, Nigeria, all you need to do is to spot a young lady in a skimpy dress, or a young man with a styled full hair, and comment 'children of nowadays'. The rest of the passengers will take up the conversation from there. One will tend to wonder if 'children of nowadays' are born with waywardness and immorality implanted in their DNA. It is as if their Language Acquisition Device (LAD) and cerebrum are programmed differently from birth as compared to that of the older generations. Nowadays, it is a general conclusion that the 'children of nowadays' are of unacceptable morals and will most likely be the end of the country. It is forgotten that these 'children of nowadays' were once infants with absolute no knowledge about how the world operates. Those in the field of language and psychology will agree that all humans are born tabula rasa; the idea that the mind comes into this world as a "blank slate". How then did things go wrong? 

Let's begin with the age 0 to age 12; this is the stage where humans are referred to as kids. In terms of language use, we will all agree that there are two, perhaps three types of kids; kids who do not know and do not use swear words, kids who know and use swear words, and kids who know but do not use swear words. First, how do these children learn these swear words? According to research, kids who often use swear and insulting words are as a result of parents who use these words to their kids and to themselves. Linguists and psychologists believe that humans are capable of acquiring any from of language(s) rapidly when they are still young. It is important to note that language plays a huge role in focusing our views and thoughts about the world. Hence, what a kid will say and how the world will be perceived is not entirely up to him/her, rather it is mostly up to the parents.

Moving on to age 13 to 19. This stage of the human life referred to as the teenage age is a practical stage. Children learn and observe everything they see and hear between the age of 0 to 12 only to practise them in the teenage stage. This is probably influenced by the fact that they kick into the puberty state in the teenage stage. The teenage stage is the one of the most important stage of a child's life; when the child begins to shape into a young adult. The first failure of Nigerians parents at this stage is lying to their young ones such as you will get pregnant if a man hugs you. I, for instance, would most likely have become a father of many nations if that assertion was true. Another failure is not paying proper attention to their young ones; thanks to our biology and basic science teachers in secondary school, many of us would have been ignorant about how the reproduction and sensitive organs work. I doubt if Nigerians fathers take their time to sit their sons down to discuss the concept of erection and sperm. Thankfully, our mothers take their time to explain the concepts of menstruation to their daughters; at least, to the best of their knowledge.

Military parenting is another failure of Nigerian parents. 'As long as you are under my roof and I'm feeding you, you must do as I say'. The aftermath of this slogan will be discussed in the next stage. Force and supremacy are one of the trademarks of Nigerian parenting. The teenage stage is the stage teenagers become more exposed, inquisitive, craving, rascally and practical. Patience, guidance and understanding is required from parents at this stage. Teenagers see clothes, hairstyles, behaviours and outings they want to practise. Truthfully, I must say, majority of what teenagers want to practise are immortal to the definition of the existing definition of morality as defined by the society. Hence, patience, knowledge and understanding are required from parents, and not force. Teenagers need to be sat down and explained truthfully the pro and cons of everything they desire. Only by doing this can they raise responsible children. Sadly, many Nigerian parents do not have this luxury of time; 'you must never do that again and that's final'. 

One last failure of Nigerian parents in this teenage stage is accessibility. Teenagers need easy access to their parents and parents need to be pragmatic and understanding. Teenagers at this stage need someone they can deeply trust and talk to. How do Nigerian parents expect a promising looking 18-year-old female not to have boys, guys and men constantly seeking her hand in a relationship? It is even more surprising how Nigerian parents think, just because they ordered their daughters not to engage in a romantic relationship. Do they think they won't have one or more of their 'toasters' that they would show affection to in return? The hypocrisy of this all is the fact that the same Nigerian parents who prohibit their children from engaging in romantic relationships in tertiary institutions also engage in romantic relationships while they were in tertiary institutions; some of them met while studying in tertiary institutions and eventually got married. Relationships aside, many teenagers, especially those in tertiary institutions, easily fall into depression and pick up habits such as hard drugs and crime. This is a result of not having easy and comfortable access to their parents. 

The last stage comes between age 20 to 30. Permit me to begin by saying 'he who is not trained at home shall be trained outside home'. At this stage, most 'children of nowadays' no longer live with their parents. They are either in tertiary institutions or outside, fending for themselves. Permit me for another quote: 'for every action, there is a reaction'. A child who spent the first one and half to two decades of his/her life taking orders and prescriptions without a say will explore roguely at the first chance of freedom. 'As long as you are under my roof and I'm feeding you, you must do as I say'. This statement is what most 'children of nowadays' hold on to till they gain their freedom which often comes when they gain admission to tertiary institutions. 

Tertiary institutions is a safe heaven for 'children of nowadays' who have spent their entire life taking orders, threatened and bullied by their parents. Many of them often miss the road with the type of friends they meet and priorities become misplaced. They were only told by their parents not to engage in immoral acts without given a solid understanding of why they shouldn't. Daughters and sons are taught outside that 'having sex around' is not a big deal and hugging the opposite sex doesn't equate pregnancy; by the way, pull out methods, protection and contraceptives are useful options to sex. Late night and hard parties becomes a hobby for extroverts, while depression and drugs become habits to the introverts.

Passing blame is easier than taking responsibilities. It is hilarious how parents who take criticizing other children as a hobby often have the 'luciferest' children who engage in the modified and packaged occupation of prostitution known as 'hook-up'; street modified as 'hoocup'. Let's not forget to note that the 'morally standard older generation' are the ones engaged in 'sex for marks' in tertiary institutions. The 'righteous older generation' ruined our nation's economy and move us from 0.894 naira to dollar in 1985 to 415 naira to dollar in 2022. Our 'religious older generation' are the ones who lead the churches and mosques and still commit adultery with the congregation. The 'disciplined older generation' are the one who rule their children with force. The 'role model older generation' turn billions of naira into national cake. However, the 'immoral children of nowadays' lead the biggest human right protest in the history of the nation. These 'children of nowadays' destroyed the nation because they are not in accordance with the norms and standard created by the older generation. The 'children of nowadays' are immoral because they involve in cybercrimes and prostitutions. 

Perhaps, it is all the 'children of nowadays' fault, they should have trained themselves better right from birth. Perhaps, the 'children of nowadays' learnt from the best. Perhaps, the 'children of nowadays' are to be blamed while the older generation should be given a golden accolade for a job well done.

Perhaps!

Kolawole Judah Oluwatobi is a finalist in the department of English, Lagos State University. He is a writer, editor, blogger and digital marketer. His interest evolves around controversial topics. You can reach him via [email protected].